I want to focus today on the problem with a woman, particularly a Black woman speaking with confidence. Where our peers are praised for their confidence, being articulate and steadfast in their resolve, we are scolded for being arrogant, aggressive and entitled. I was once told, by the Director of HR of a company I worked for, "had I been a white, middle-aged male, my confidence would not be a problem." He went on to say that "my confidence makes people very uncomfortable, because they are not historically accustomed to someone like me, being that way." He was one of the good ones - told me exactly how it was!
I've been shut down, shut-up and tossed away. I've been told "I can be perceived as overly strong in style and delivery of messages", while in the same breath described as "...intellectually very strong... able to assess process and flow quickly... able to attack and solve complex technical challenges... caring, focused and detailed". Confused? I'm not the only one.
During TED2019, Brittany Packnett, said "confidence is something that we underestimate the importance of. We treat it like a nice-to-have instead of a must-have". She went on to say "confidence is the necessary spark before everything that follows". If this is true, why would you want to dim the light of another human being?
There are people who are going to read this and think "how dare she!" or "this cannot be true". I did and it is! The truth is, you do not have to like me to respect what I bring to the table, hear my voice or know my value.
I have gratitude for my leader in 2013, who restored my confidence and voice. I have gratitude for my mentor in 2017 who encouraged me to chart my path. I have gratitude for my ancestors and family for praying for me. I will no longer silence my voice!
I leave you with this from Brittany Packnett, "For some of us, confidence is a revolutionary choice, and it would be our greatest shame to see our best ideas go unrealized and our brightest dreams go unreached all because we lacked the engine of confidence."
Here is the link to watch the rest of Brittany Packnett's TED2019: https://www.ted.com/talks/brittany_packnett_how_to_build_your_confidence_and_spark_it_in_others/transcript?language=en#t-127322
]]>There are some people who have never uttered a word and use their hands to form the most intricate sentences and meaningful conversations.
And, here we are, arguably the most fortunate people because we have the ability to articulate our thoughts, share words of inspiration and love, capable of communicating every ache and pain and yet, we choose to ignore the power of our words.
I am as guilty of this as the next person, using soul-crushing, career-defining words against myself. I would always wonder why there was no progress, no movement, no growth; only to realize now that it was because of the words I gave life. To give life to these words is to give life to despair, frustration, anger, sadness.
It is important to speak life into your words and draw positivity from them when you are speaking of yourself and others. We want everyone to succeed, we want everyone's lives to be fruitful, we want everyone to live out their dreams. There are times where you may not feel motivated to do this, but the goal is to get to a point where positivity reigns more often than not.
"Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another." - Napoleon Hill
]]>
Imagine waking up every morning and telling yourself this. Or, if you are religious reading a scripture that resonates with you and drives your most authentic self. The projects and tasks that you could accomplish would be guided with positive affirmations every step of the way.
It is easy for me to sit here behind my computer and give you simple solutions to find your purpose, but it was not always that way. This required a significant amount of self-reflection, prayer, reading, putting my thoughts to paper and discussion.
Knowing that I wanted to start Spencer Consulting International, realizing I wanted to give back to the neighborhoods that my parents grew up in, pursuing a company and a role that would appreciate my gifts and my skills, speaking my greatest into existence, wishing success, happiness and health to my friends and family and wanting to play a role in providing my nephew with an example of what it means to grow up in a strong, black, Caribbean household are all a direct correlation to me realizing what is my purpose!
Release your inhibitions, your fears, your doubts and start today. Recently I watched a snippet of a video where a woman said “the reason why a lot of people won’t become who they want to be is because they’re too often attached to who they’ve been”. We often fear change so much that we would rather remain unhappy, lost and without purpose.
Sometimes I catch myself resorting back to my old way of thinking, but then I remember a good friend who used to walk into my office every morning and tell me “you are enough”. I look at my parents and remember how much they love me and how much they believe in me. And, I remember I’m human and not without flaws.
Know that You Are Enough! Start your journey today.
]]>More importantly, you’re starving your mind, body and spirit of much-needed time to recuperate. Whether you are trying to enjoy a staycation, enjoy the sites within your city or explore the beaches somewhere in the Caribbean, it is important for you to disconnect.
In 1910, United States President Taft proposed that everyone should receive three months of vacation. He stated this is important to allow people to rejuvenate and be able to rest so that they could come back in the next year as energized as they were at the start of the last. His peers obviously thought he was crazy and this idea was struck down. However, in Sweden and Germany, they have adopted versions of this idea by introducing 6 to 7 weeks of vacation.
What is stopping you from taking some much needed time for yourself? Illness, depression, time away from your family, it is not worth it.
It is the Thursday before the long weekend, go into your manager's office or send them a message, tell them (politely 🤗) that you will not be back until Tuesday. You can thank me later.
]]>Imagine waking up every morning and telling yourself this. Or, if you are religious reading a scripture that resonates with you and drives your most authentic self. The projects and tasks that you could accomplish would be guided with positive affirmations every step of the way.
It is easy for me to sit here behind my computer and give you simple solutions to find your purpose, but it was not always that way. This required a significant amount of self-reflection, prayer, reading, putting my thoughts to paper and discussion.
Knowing that I wanted to start Spencer Consulting International, realizing I wanted to give back to the neighborhoods that my parents grew up in, pursuing a company and a role that would appreciate my gifts and my skills, speaking my greatest into existence, wishing success, happiness and health to my friends and family and wanting to play a role in providing my nephew with an example of what it means to grow up in a strong, black, Caribbean household are all a direct correlation to me realizing what is my purpose!
Release your inhibitions, your fears, your doubts and start today. Recently I watched a snippet of a video where a woman said "the reason why a lot of people won't become who they want to be is because they're too often attached to who they've been". We often fear change so much that we would rather remain unhappy, lost and without purpose.
Here is an example of some of the work I did to make sure that I was no longer attached to "who I've been".
Sometimes I catch myself resorting back to my old way of thinking, but then I remember a good friend who used to walk into my office every morning and tell me "you are enough". I look at my parents and remember how much they love me and how much they believe in me. And, I remember I'm human and not without flaws.
Know that You Are Enough! Start your journey today.
C
]]>Several weeks ago, during a 1-on-1 with a member of my team, they asked me what would I define as my purpose? Without hesitation, I responded, "Jace's aunty". It is not that I anticipated that they would be asking me this question or that I had time to prepare a carefully calculated answer, I just knew.
Purpose is a word that can be used in multiple contexts, it can either be a noun or a verb, and it can leave people questioning their existence. I am going to make every attempt not to go too deep with this discussion, but provide you with enough to start thinking about what is important to you.
Have you ever started a new role and although you thought you understood the requirements listed in the job description and why you were selected for the role, questioned within the first few weeks whether this was the place for you? Or, have you been employed with the same company, doing the same work and wondered exactly why you keep on waking up every morning and going into the office? These are some key indicators of a lack of purpose in your current life.
Lack of purpose can come in multiple forms: lack of engagement or excitement, a feeling of boredom, isolating yourself from friends and family. Let's be honest, even if we live to 100 years of age, who wants to feel like that for even a minute of their day? Good news for you, I have some ideas to help you alleviate those feelings and emotions!
Will my nephew always be the center of my purpose? Probably not, I know he will grow up and start living his own life, but for now, he is what controls my work hours, manipulates my free time and drives my vacation schedule. If that is not the best "purpose", I'm not sure what is!
]]>Does it mean I’m not giving 100%, quite the opposite (I am not familiar with giving anything but 150%, but that is a post for another day). When I’m at work, I’m focused, I’m precise, I’m on a mission. I can joke around, talk basketball, and hold a conversation about anything, as long as I know I’ve met or exceeded my daily goals. I now realize the activities or tasks mentioned earlier do not drive or define my success. Those things are just extras. The truth is we would not have been up all night if I had taken the lead, versus standing back and being guided by titles. There was never a need for me to work on holidays other than I felt that I had to in order to progress to the next role. Being the single woman, with no kids and jumping at the opportunity to drive for four hours into a town that had one hotel and no real place to have a decent meal did not benefit me in any way, except additional requests to do the same thing over and over again.
The things that excite me now involve building the strategy behind learning that helps to grow and develop a new generation of learners, building relationships with organizations that focus on things that are truly important and having time to spend with my family and friends. I’m driving my agenda, in charge of my direction, I know my purpose and I am no longer compromising for anyone.
This concludes the month devoted to “purpose”. If you are interested in further developing your purpose, please contact us at info@spencerconsultingintl.com. Next month I will be looking at Emotional Intelligence and why it is actually important.
Talk to you soon,
]]>